When “aha” feels more like”duh huh”

For the last three years, since the death of my mom, I’ve worked with Hecate. I was always a little uncertain about our relationship though. It always felt temporary and situational.

After 20 years as a Pagan, I admit, I’ve often despaired of ever finding a true patron, often wondering if I was meant to walk this life alone, without the spiritual bond with a deity that so many others seem to have.

I’ve been going through a lot of personal stuff lately that’s sometimes made focus on my spiritual path hard.

Recently, I’ve even felt as if I were starting over.

I’ve been an Eclectic for most of the years I’ve called myself Pagan, wandering from one path to another, one pantheon to another, never really feeling rooted or grounded. It’s often seemed that the only spiritual stability in my life was my love and passion for hearth and home. Keeping a Magickal household has always been very important to me.

Not having many social skills, I’ve always felt most comfortable at home. The world around me stressed me out at times to the point where I didn’t want to leave home. Home was safe, the world was not.

For those familiar with the Greek pantheon, some of this may be sounding familiar. I am familiar with the Greek pantheon and all of my life, the connection escaped me.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany of sorts. I crossed a huge hurtle with my childhood, my past and my relationship with my mother. As I crossed that hurtle, I could feel Hecate’s connection fading, almost as if she were saying goodbye.

Today, I’ve felt lighter in a lot of ways. Unburdened from my past, but also at loose ends from the absence of Hecate.

I made a lot of decisions today, most importantly, to refocus on my home and my family. To make those things a priority once again. I felt good for the decisions for the first time in a long time.

Tonight, I was reading and came across a name I was familiar with but couldn’t remember who she was. The name was Hestia.

I immediately started googling, wanting to know why suddenly my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. Why it seemed like I could feel my soul sighing in relief.

It turns out, there’s not a whole lot of information on Hestia.

She was the first-born daughter of the Titans, Cronos and Rhea, sister to Zeus and the other Greek Gods and Goddesses. She was the last of Them to be regurgitated by Cronos, giving her the title of oldest and youngest (a position I hold in my own family associations), first and last.

She chose to remain unmarried and a virgin to keep the peace between two of the Gods who tried to court her. As a reward, Zeus gave her the keys to Olympus and charged her with caring for her family and their home.

She was quiet, unassuming, rarely leaving her home, and took pride in her responsibilities.

She is the patron goddess of hearth and home.

She offered refuge to those in need and although she was never patron of a particular city, she fostered a sense of community and fairness and she was honored with both communal and home hearth fires.

This sense of caring for home and family resonate strongly with me. I feel as if I have been honoring Hestia my entire adult life without knowing it.

I took some time to discuss all of this with Draco earlier. I was afraid that this instant and sudden connection with Hestia might be all in my head. I read him what information I could find (most of it is repetitive since she preferred to stay out of the lime-light, unlike her siblings). He began digging through one of his boxes while we talked and presented me with a key on a chain. He said he would get me a more decorative key later (this one is simply an old key we no longer remember what it goes to – I’ve long had an issue with throwing away keys and we often have a stash of them somewhere). Even though it is not the kind of key you would normally associate with sacred keys, it will always be special to me now.

Tonight as I wind down and prepare for bed, I feel a kind of inner peace that is foreign to me. I’m really not used to feeling at peace in my life. I give Hestia full credit for it. I feel as if her peace and calm are settling over my life and I feel extremely grateful.

My life is changing and it’s a welcome change. I feel as if I finally know where I’m going and what I’m doing.

I truly feel blessed.




  1. I love Hestia, a very welcoming and warm energy. Although, it has to be said that I do work with Hecate a huge amount! I’m so glad you’ve found the key to your Goddess. BB.
    Oh, and tag. I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award )o(


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